Archives For Caleb Ward

The REAL Linear Progression

Caleb Ward —  October 20, 2009 — 7 Comments

Lately, while learning about strength training for new athletes, I’ve heard a lot about the linear progression most people go through with their first couple months of weightlifting. Basically, as time goes on, each lifter will get stronger and stronger at a linear rate (y=x will be used for this example) until they reach a point where their lifts level off to a more flat progression (y= 1/2x, y= 1/4x, y= 1/8x, etc. and smaller and smaller). Note: I know there are better examples, but that’s not the point of this blog.

Well after some thinking, I’ve made my own observation: The real linear progression lies in the rate at which, as Glenn W Pendlay III loses weight, our workouts increasingly get harder and harder.

Hypothesis: The X-Axis, or independent variable, will in this case be as time goes on the closer we get to death. The Y-Axis, or dependent variable, will in this case be this specific Gorilla’s weight loss as he loses more and more weight.

Research: On more than one occasion Glenn has come into the gym in the morning and made this exact, word for word statement, “Guys! Guess what? I lost another 5lbs…. By the way we’re going to add 2 more doubles to each workout today.” Although this nonchalant comment may seem harmless to the elite weightlifter, I should mention that Glenn has lost 30lbs, and since 30/5=6, he has made that statement about 6 times to use. Yes, our blog SAYS we’re only do five doubles… but we’re really pushing the CrossFit minimum of 100 doubles per workout right now.

Solution: Jon North and I have tried to comprise many possible ways to make Glenn retain his weight, for our well-being of course, and none of them seem to work. We’ve taken Glenn to all you can eat wings at Hooters on Tuesdays… nothing. We’ve spiked his diet coke with anti-laxatives… nothing. We’ve put extra sugar in his coffee.. nothing. We’ve practically ran out of solutions other than chopping his head off.

Conclusion: As Glenn’s confidence rises, our death bed is going to look closer and closer each and every day regardless of our noble attempts to save our own lives.

THE END.